As you may recall from discontent #1, this page is named for the main character in Nick Hornby’s High Fidelity. I know that if you have not read this excellent novel by now it is only because you are awaiting its release in paperback. Never fear; I shall inform you, esteemed Reader, as soon as I know the due date. (Probably this fall.) Anyway, the eccentric English guy in the book tends to organize his life in list-form, like his Top 5 painful breakups. The Discontent Spring List is the Top 5 cinematic women who I would like to be for a day. Note that I am presently twenty-four.
1. Mary in "Party Girl." She says she’s almost twenty-four and she doesn’t know how to do anything. "I think I’m an existentialist. I do." You go, girl.
2. Sugar Kane in "Some Like it Hot." She says she’s almost a quarter of a century old. "I’m tired of always getting the fuzzy end of the lollipop." I’m with ya. I’m with ya.
3. Valerie in "Earth Girls Are Easy." I’m not sure how old she is, but Valerie is pretty cool. All she has in her fridge is a six-pack of Diet Coke. Her statement to her wayward fiancé is so true: "A relationship is a lot like a porcelain nail, Ted. You can break it, and you can glue it back together, but it’s not gonna be as strong as it was unless the person is really committed in not bringing home nurses."
4. Tess McGill in "Working Girl." She actually has a birthday in the film but I don’t remember how old she says she is. I do remember this chestnut, which she shouts at her wayward fiancé in a parking lot: "I am not steak! You can’t just order me!"
5. Of course, Lucy Honeychurch in "A Room with a View." Probably less than 24. Observe her version of the above statement when she breaks off with her not-at-all-wayward fiancé: "You’re the sort who can’t know anyone intimately, least of all a woman. Well, I don’t mean exactly that, but you will go on asking questions."